2005 Fool's Fest
Fredericksburg, VA -- 4.1.05 - 4.3.05
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 flav and marietard -- what the hell is going on in this picture. creepy...
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 flav and marietard -- all better
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 flav and marietard -- psssd....i'm not wearing any underwear and the tur...
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 flav -- enjoy my double chins!!
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 marietard -- i may know something.....but i don't!
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 marietard -- damn you coyne!!! do you have a collection of but...
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 marietard -- woops! i crapped my pants again!
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 flav -- stop trying molest me marie!!! stop looking at my ...
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 Cline -- Nic's version of Baby Got Back
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 Cline -- Part 1 of Nic (& Flav, but mostly Nic)'s Waffle Ha...
flav -- f yo couch!!
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 Cline -- Part 2 of Nic (& Flav, but mostly Nic)'s Waffle Ha...
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 Cline -- Part 3 of Nic (& Flav, but mostly Nic)'s Waffle Ha...
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 Cline -- Part 4 of Nic (& Flav, but mostly Nic)'s Waffle Ha...
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Marietard:
Hey fat people,
Just wanted to let you all know that I had a great time this weekend and I
thank you all. Hope everyone had a fum and hopefully we can all do this again...great
bunch of jerks if you ask me!
- jamie freaking out in the elevator
- survivor flip cup
Ass Mangler:
- stuck in the elevator with the striped shirt gang
- pushing matt's truck out of the mudd
- batismal spike...
- tous' fruit full of liquor
I'd say it was a great weekend. Feel free to add to the list but keep it clean.
Big Dog (upside down):
I too had a fantastic weekend! Maybe we will be special fat people guest appearances
for next year:-) What a weekend of laughs!!!!
Flavus Jitbag Jr.:
- all of the hard to kidnap people at our hotel
- boat race win against bucknell
- our awesome cheers
- our obnoxious spikes
- 2 gallons of beer before the DB game and 2 more during halftime
- coyne acutally buying something at the scrapbook convention!????
- free sausage sandwiches!
- stomach tearin' up waffle house
- quiet coyotes and gay pumas .....raaaar
skinnykidfan99:
did i freak out in the elevator. i jsut really wanted to press the
buttons and yuz guyz wouldn't let me, you, you, control freaks!!!
Bronze the Darkman:
Let's also not forget:
- Nic doing the Russian dance at the party
- Winning 15-12 after being up 15-2. That there is some good negotiating.
- Violation call to a travel call on Whelan to Ultimate Fighting Championship
- Oblio making an appearance at the party
- Laying out thru the mud puddle because Marie did
- Thinking we left Nic at the fields
- Tous constantly trying to keep hydrated
- Coyne finally completing a behind the back pass to Ben
I just wanted to say that I had a great time. You peeps are awesome.
Hopefully, I'll get to play with ya'll again. See ya'll later. Peace.
Crafty Barnardo:
Yea,
- Carrot cake
- JP the deuce bitting it
- "The Carleton"
F&#k yo' couch,
DG
Dirty Sanchez:
To add to some good moments:
- Enjoying a nice Quesidilla while watching our team beat Cornell, of course
that was after falling twice from some good rehydration.
- Drinking 40's with Crafty and Nick while listing to some P-funk in the car.
- Getting lost going to fields three times, and on every occasion having some
say this looks familiar I think we are going the right way (not quite)
- Bringing out the double dutch during the party.
Thanks for a fun weekend!!!!!
Superintendant God-Botherer:
Oh fine . . . I'll remember things
- Ben pouring drinks into me like I was a plant he forgot to water (or one
he was hoping to take advantage of . . . dirty plant fondler)
- Several lovely tours of scenic Fredricksburg and its surrounding municipalities.
Never would have seen that other battlefield if it weren't for Marie.
- All the fun of getting alternatively directed and buying a funnel, none
of the embarrassment of trying to use said instrument.
- It puts the lotion on its skin . . .
- Wild Turkey appetizers
- Drunken Cornell victory (bonus points for them having a Ring guy)
- I, I will survive (Saw my flip cup foes leaving the track yesterday . .
. gloated)
- Party dancing - Tous on top, Nic on bottom . . . oh ya!
- Getting attacked by starbuck's coffee on the ride home . . . oh how i despise
starbuck's and the brown man that dragged me there.
Thanks guys for making my "fun" tournament more fun then I could
have hoped. It may have convinced me to up the fun tournament quota to two .
. . did someone say Ommegang? Below is the full Fat People are Harder to Kidnap
"rap" for those that didn't get it. I made some adjustments to the
last verse to avoid injuring Flav's delicate sensibilities.
(kick it old school style dj darkman)
i got my rope
i got my ransom note
i got a car
and a getaway boat
i got some candy
that i can use for bait
i got a good position
and some time to wait
ill grab the first
person i see
but what's this
coming at me
a man as wide
as i am long
well it really doesn't matter
cause i am pretty strong
he goes for the snickers
lying on the ground
i swing my bat
and he's out and down
i tie him with my rope
kiss him once for luck
and try to lift him up
into my pickup truck
i grab hold
but i can't lift him that high
i try
till i think i might die
damn even if i get him
to the boat
there's a pretty good chance
that the shit won't float
so now
i'm about to give up
and the cops
choose that moment to pull up
so i'm headed one way
to a prison cell
with a sad sad story
and a lesson to tell
(chorus)
this'll be more than a wrist slap
cause fat people are harder to kidnap
i'm doin a three to five year rap
cause fat people are harder to kidnap
i gotta find some prison bitch ass to tap
cause fat people are harder to kidnap
i can't believe i fell in this trap
just cause fat people are harder to kidnap
wait
listen to me
cause i was done in
comparably
i made each mistake
from a to z
when i tried to grab a fat girl
from the a and p
well you see
i drove a sedan
when what the job needed
was a big ass van
i thought it was roomy
ya plenty of space
i soon found out
that wasn't the case
i drugged her
tried to force her in the trunk
half an hour later
my spirits had sunk
so with superhuman strength
i swept her off her feet
and tried to get her up
into my back seat
with some work
she fit as nice as you please
but with the drivers seat up
i was eating my knees
so close to the wheel
i couldn't use the brake
its barely a surprise
i ended up in the lake
fortunate for me
it wasn't that deep
and when the cops pulled us out
she was still asleep
well i may be goin
for a long vacation
but i don't envy them
her extrication
(chorus)
this'll be more than a wrist slap
cause fat people are harder to kidnap
i'm doin a three to five year rap
cause fat people are harder to kidnap
i gotta find some prison bitch ass to tap
cause fat people are harder to kidnap
i can't believe i fell in this trap
just cause fat people are harder to kidnap
there i was
working on a perfect tip
rich man outta town
on a business trip
and who does he leave
at home alone
his pretty young wife
with a cellular phone
so i wait
until she goes to sleep
then up through the window
of her two story keep
chloroform on her face
she's out for a while
to avoid the alarms
i'll take her out in style
but when i pull off the covers
much to my surprise
what i thought were big pillows
are actually her thighs
but i'm a professional
i don't give up
to get her out the window
i'll just butter her up
so i sneak to the kitchen
grab myself a stick
come back to her room
and lay it on thick
i climb through the window
pull her through all right
until i reach her hips
and wedge her in tight
she's not going in
she's not comin out
i decide to cut my losses
and get the hell out
i grab the ladder
and start climbing down
but butter soaked hands
take me faster to the ground
i lie on my back
hurt but free
halfway out the window
she can't catch me
she's got no phone to call
nothing to do
but yell for help
until her face turns blue
but she had something
to get off of her chest
her cell phone
was hid between her breasts
so when i took my fall
she made the call
now i gotta watch my ass
in the shower stall
(chorus)
this'll be more than a wrist slap
cause fat people are harder to kidnap
i'm doin a three to five year rap
cause fat people are harder to kidnap
i gotta find some prison bitch ass to tap
cause fat people are harder to kidnap
i can't believe i fell in this trap
just cause fat people are harder to kidnap
Sparklepants:
i never laughed so hard as i popped m&m's and twinkies in my mouth and
hummed the catchy fat people tune
i'm thinking we take this show on the road (matt can drive his NOT-4-wheel
truck)
what a hit it would be --- flav and marie-tard double-dutching to the human
jukebox nic while crafy mc-velvet funnels (and of course during intermission
cleary can entertain the crowd with his clever party trick of 'guess which
nut') ... pure genius!!!
Foopalooter:
FPAHTK-
non-churchy and i had an awesome time this weekend! our vote for favorite
part of the weekend:
- cleary violating flav with his balls. hey, are you guys going out? 'cause
you should.
we were way too easy to kidnap these past couple days. i've just figured
out how much time and effort i need to put in to reach my goal weight of 299
3/4. don't hesitate - i narrowly escaped a kidnapper's grasp. my shirt was
not so lucky, however. if you've seen this poor fella, i'd like him back at
some point - long sleeve black shirt, likely too small for you, says "danse
macabre" on it from a U of Rochester tournament in 2000.
by the way, did anyone find a spoon near our fields? mine's the dirty one.
-sir foops-a-lo(o)t
Jiddle:
yo.. i had the worst time ever. i would have much rather been home studying
where it was warm and dry... and i wouldn't have gotten to see the 80's dance
and get all muddy and laugh my arse off and drink lots of beer with such jerks!
i can't wait to do it again!
Recreational Vehicle:
- Almost scoring some sweet, sweet Waffle House Helium
- Terry Beidelman hereby relinquishing his nickname of T-Bag, even though
he didn't play this weekend.
- Goose being there in spirit with all of his witty sayings. Damn, he's good.
- Being called a failure on the bus back from the party by a drunk Asian
chick because I couldn't come up with any more songs to sing, after going
through the weekend's repertoire (skeet, get off your ass & jam, milkshake).
- Being the designated foopalooter-explainer.
